choose your own adventure

a new little project i’m working on

lemon tart awaits

iRUN official

getting used to the heat

spring in the neighbourhood

birthday celebrations

GRASS!!!

renos continue

deluxe nachos

home grown brunch

quest for the best cookie

negotiation tactics

zonked.

the renovations continued over the weekend and i’d say that we pretty much have the place back in order. i’ve never been one to pay someone to do work that we can do ourselves (which is unfortunate because i really hate painting…) but, we got it done! officially one year in this place and the walls have all been completely transformed from their previous (and heinous) colour scheme!! Which up until recently included a beige “smear” – i didn’t realize how bad it was until we had it all covered up in fresh, fresh white.

ahhhh. (<< that there’s a fresh breath of air.)

there were also a few birthdays to celebrate (why does everyone keep getting older?!) which kept us busy and full of yummy food.

we got into some pretty heavy conversation on saturday night with family about what it means to be happy and fulfilled in your life and career. is it possible to really love your job? does anyone really? and what do you do with yourself when you are unhappy but you don’t know how to make the changes? this was all floating around amidst the ice cream cake and hockey game. i think we came to the some sort of consensus that personal happiness is more important then money or stature, but if you can somehow find a way to combine the two, you’ve won the lottery.

i know over the past year i’ve been struggling with how to figure out to spend the next 20 years of my life, and it seems like i’m not alone. if i can offer up any advice (since i’ve been doing nothing but deliberation on the topic) it would be to say that life goes on. it might seem impossible to make BIG changes to your status quo, but whatever you decide, things aren’t going to come to a hault around you. things can always be repaired or put back together and ultimately, you need to make decisions from your gut that are best for you. those are the sorts of choices that will make you happiest. not that i’m a guru. it’s just what i’ve gathered having muddled about the topic myself. i think it’s true what they say: life’s a journey.

And in between all of this? we squeezed a few naps where we could fit them, and walks in the most glorious of all the weathers: SPRING! Yes. i’d say it’s finally HERE!!! you know something? i used to hate to have my feet touch grass, but i changed my mind.

the sun was so hot on sunday that cliff didn’t know what to do with his tongue… which makes sense after all because  he’s only ever known snow and cold in his six months of life in this tundra we call Ottawa. He was so hot  it was hanging about a foot out of his mouth.

i feel blessed just as i am. there are so many good things in life that i really couldn’t ask for more. except maybe adventure. i love a good choose your own adventure 😉

Unwarranted Advice

Usually when I tell people I’m going back to school, the general response is really positive: “Good for you! That’s amazing! What an opportunity! etc, etc” essentially giving me everything I need to hear in terms of positive reinforcement for my decision.

Tell me what I need to hear

Yesterday I was minding my own business at work when someone came up to me and basically spoke my fears out loud in a point blank series of statements:

“I would never consider going back to school. Why are doing it? Seems weird since you already have a master’s degree. You don’t need more then one. Are you really sure you want to do this?”

And the kicker when I told him it was in Journalism:

“You know, you aren’t going to make any money doing that.”

Ooooo Boi! You did NOT just crap on my dreams. (finger snap).

I’m about to throw a hissy fit

Except in real life I was so flabbergasted and irritated that the best response I could come up with was (Porky Pig style bedeebedeebedee):

“It’s not all about money or fame.”

To which he sucked his breath in and just shook his head dismissively and walked away.

I was livid. I was so put off. Who was this guy? I hardly even knew him. He is new to the environment and before this unwarranted non-advice, we had had a total of one conversation (in which he couldn’t grasp the difference between entering into studies and “going back to school.” For the record, there’s a difference: “going back” implies, I’m currently in the middle of a program. Entering in a new program means, this is a whole new step in my life. So the nuance, in my opinion, is important.)

At any rate, with steam coming from my ears I fumed in front of my computer for the rest of the day, until I unleashed the same fury on mike that night:

“How dare he try to tell me what’s a good life plan and what isn’t. I mean it’s not like I asked him for advice in the first place.”

Mike, being the awesome-est partner that he is, completely agreed with me. He gave me everything I needed to hear. “This guy’s a nobody, a drone, he’s unhappy and he’s trying to make other people unhappy. You are probably doing what he knows he would never have the courage to do.”

So those thoughts and reassuring statements helped calm me down a bit.

And then I was finally able to reflect.

I knew I was being defensive. I knew the reason I was so injured by this guy’s comments was directly related to the fact that he was just speaking out loud my own fears and insecurities.

I’ve been turning to everyone I trust, (and even in writing on here), asking for reassurance that what I’m doing is the right thing. Tell me it’s a good thing. Tell me it will work out in the end, tell me it’s worth a gamble to do something that you love, even if you don’t know where it will take you.

The amazing thing that happened, is that when you feel attacked, you defend yourself. As much as I hate to admit it, I owe this guy a thank-you.

He put me in a position where I had to put it in my own words, out-loud that this is what I want. I already knew it, but I needed to justify my decision when faced with adversity. This justification didn’t come from the mouths of my parents, my boyfriend, or my close friends and colleagues who all believe in me; It came from me.

And I did it. It was meek, but it was there:

It’s not all about fame and money. Yes money is important, but it’s worth it to me to try to do something that makes me happy. That’s what I told him. And that’s me saying all alone, that this is a good thing.

ps. ya sure, he might have done me a favour but for the record I’m totally snubbing him on a point of precedence… (ok pride).

Happy Friday Everyone!

th-th-th-that’s all folks!

Grand Essentials

Something to do:

bake yo’ face off.

just do it.

Something to love:

love.chair.always

water = life

Something to hope for:

Grow Always

Today I flipped my calendar of “Simplicity: Inspirations for a simpler life” to June ……

Joseph Addison

…..And I had to share.

Happy Friday!

At My Personal Best

Yesterday was my *least* favorite race of life.

It was also my fastest…. so technically, a personal best. Which probably explains why it was my least favorite.

I actually remember thinking “I hate this.” There was no runner’s high… only runner’s low.

Love this screen shot view which makes it appear that I have come before Geoffrey MUTAI.

It was hot. It was dry. My mouth was pasty.

I didn’t even feel like high fiving the little kids along the sidelines. I don’t think I’ve ever been so grouchy when running before. Very uncharacteristic of me… usually running makes me feel so joyous.

But yesterday.. man.. if this was my personal best… I would hate to see my personal worst.

Before shot. When there was no angst.

I think at some point after the three kilometer mark, I realized my expectation for coming in below 44 minutes was ill-founded… and as a result I spent the next 7 kilometers being mad at myself for not having done more speed work.

I think in every other race I’ve done, I just go out and surprise myself, and as a result, I’m happy with the results. It seems like expectations are a bit of a kryptonite for me, and I would rather come from behind unexpectedly, then let myself down when I fall short of my goal.

I read somewhere that unhappiness is when you are too attached to the way you think things should be going.

… and I don’t think it’s unrealistic to set my sights on a 42 minute 10km… I just have to put a more tangible amount of work into training for it. I think I was too attached to taking the path of least resistance. If I’m going to think that I need to obtain a certain goal, then I’m going to have to get comfortable with feeling uncomfortable.

And that my friends, is about as profound as I can be today because I’m still feeling slightly dehydrated.

Mike told me to chin up because in his words “even if I had a 17 minute head start, you still would have beat me.” Thanks MK. That does help a bit.

After the pain.

Thankfully, right now I’m thinking I should be eating some Thai food for dinner, which is making me immensely happy at the thought. And if there ever was a time when I was at my personal best, it’s when I’m eating some curry out of a pineapple.

get in my belly.

Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go drink my weight in electrolytes.