One year ago today, I set out to do a little writing.
I called it Sparrow in the Tree Top for various reasons, but at the time there wasn’t any one theme so the random context seemed as good as any.
It felt really weird in the beginning. Not only was I new to blogging, I was new to the idea of a blog in general. I didn’t really follow blogs. And there was never a period where I was watching others and then gradually came to the conclusion that I could join the ranks… I just sort of stumbled upon the notion one day and all of a sudden I was learning about a “dashboard.” (and for the record, still learning exactly how to use a dashboard… but that’s another topic entirely!)
After those first few months, I had little to no appreciation for the community. It all seemed to be such a self absorbed culture. Why write? Why blog? Why am I writing about myself? Why, do you say those things to the internet? What’s the value added.. you need to sound more like yourself. Don’t sound fake. Don’t tell yourself not to sound fake, because that’s fake. Don’t be a hypocrite. And then lastly: don’t over think it (which I clearly was). And so, after about 10 posts, given that it seemed silly and futile, I let it go.
But last August, after a few month hiatus, I picked it up again. Who knows why. I think it had something to do with trying out new things. I tried out some DIY, some exercise… some random thoughts. But a theme in general still wasn’t sticking. And I also found I would have “post regret”: where I would post something, and then wake up the next day as if I had drank too much the night before and made a fool of myself. (The post hangover).
But it seemed wrong to be so hesitant about something that was hardly seen by anyone but me. So I told myself to keep writing. Just write something. Write for yourself. And … eventually it started to feel worth it. It filled a void which I didn’t even know was there. But let’s not be dramatic here. This was not some deep vast, empty void, where I was searching for Deep Fulfillment. It was just a regular old run-of-the-mill-void that was looking for something other then sports and reading to fill some time. That’s how it started out anyway.
There are times when I’m sarcastic. Sometimes I’m bubbly. Sometimes I am sentimental. Sometimes I’m wholesome and sometimes I rant. I don’t worry about sounding self absorbed, or nerdy, or cliche. I’m less judgmental and insecure (mostly of myself) and I’m finding time to think about things I never used to think about.
In the past year I let myself join a community. It’s a whole online world where people are learning and living and doing something different from their everyday lives.
In December I filled my boots with Holiday Topics
In March we bought a house
Last April first, I set out to do a little writing.
And looking back, I realized that throughout the year, I’ve changed my life, by living. And I see this now because I blogged along the way.
So yes, clearly I’m making this up as I go along. But that’s ok too because I guess that’s life.